If you catcall a woman...

So this was originally going to be a Facebook status about one of my experiences the other night, but I decided to make it a blog post instead. The idea of catcalling women and how horrendous it can sometimes be, unnecessary, overwhelming, or even downright scary, has been circulating the web quite a lot recently.

Now, I acknowledge that not every catcall is meant maliciously, or done by a pervert, or what have you, but the outcome is usually the same. Something simple such as a "Smile, love" can be directed at someone who has recently suffered a tragic loss and may, believe it or not, just not feel like smiling and has no reason to do so just because you wish they would. Maybe you mean it as a nice cheer up. Maybe sometimes it works. I respect that. But don't ever feel like the person you directed your statement at is obligated to respond in anyway other than how they feel.

Check out this lady's experience here: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a48883/nora-mcinerny-purmort-stop-telling-women-to-smile/

Also, catcalling has become such a problem that even Playboy has recognized it and called for it to stop. PLAYBOY. The magazine thats entire empire was built on naked women. Proof: this awesome flowchart they created. See it here: http://www.playboy.com/articles/should-you-catcall-her-flowchart

This incident occurred to me coming home the other night to my place in London where I'm studying abroad right now. I don't live in the best of neighborhoods, but it isn't terrible, I think it has character and I almost always feel safe.

Life: the fact that no matter what time of day, no matter what I'm wearing, I should feel safe. I just came home at 4:30 am. You might be like, wow Ali, that's incredibly late - long story short, it is. (quick note, I've come home at 2 and 3 am before and never had the following occur to me).

Anyways, I'm wearing jeans, wedge boots, a long sleeve shirt, scarf, and a jacket. I missed my stop on the bus so I had to walk from the next stop to my home, approximately ten minutes. Not to mention that the minute I stepped off the bus, it started raining and I left my umbrella at home.

On the way home, I had a guy yell at me. First, he made some crack at me about being a prostitute for I assume, walking by myself at night/morning wearing heels. Then when I got closer to him (he was at a public bus stop with other people) I picked up the pace because he had started to approach me. To which he said, why are you walking faster, not that it matters, you don't have an ass anyways. He had yelled a few other things but I couldn't understand and most likely didn't wish to hear. I had the urge to yell a few choice words at him but I didn't want to provoke the situation, he felt menacing and I was actually nervous about his behavior.

Then about halfway between there and home, three guys were walking on the sidewalk. They decided to slow down to almost a stop as I passed by, asking if I needed a ride home or knew where I was. As I again, picked up the pace because they were the only ones on the sidewalk besides me, a guy was like, I had a minicab (a sketchy version of a taxi) I could've shown you but never mind. Which, again, quick note - if you had one, why the hell were you walking in the rain??? They kept walking. At least they didn't seem menacing like the last guy but still made me extremely uncomfortable. Nothing like getting cornered on the sidewalk by three men.

Explain to me what universe this is appropriate in? Not that this excuses it, but I wasn't even dressed provocatively. Even if I had been, you have no right to call me derogatory terms or make comments about my appearance or approach me on the street. You also don't have the right to assume I need to pay attention to your unwanted, potentially drunken, and rude advances. You don't have the right to make me feel unsafe in a place I've always felt safe.

But seriously, don't catcall. You honestly want a lady's attention - approach her (in a safe setting, not on the street at 4 am), be kind, don't be weird (like, want to hang out in my basement? weird, not like quirky weird), don't be aggressive, and don't make her uncomfortable.