Fear is Only an Emotion

It's funny how far we can come in life sometimes despite what we've let hold ourselves back and let ourselves not accomplish.

I managed to get into law school on half a dream and a whimsy, to be honest. I spent three years, stressing, wishing, hoping, sometimes working hard, sometimes slacking off. I didn't network the way that I should have, but I made connections, I made friends, I made acquaintances. I graduated magna cum laude, sporting a solid 4.0 my last semester of school. I've got a decent resume, that while doesn't necessarily blow me out of the water, speaks for itself.

I spent four incredible months in Europe this past fall, primarily in London, England. There I met incredible people, saw incredible places, tasted incredible food. I had bucket list worthy experiences, yet I still missed out on so much.

I've let fear dictate a lot of different aspects of my life - fear of the unknown, fear of other's reactions, fears of how I would be perceived, fears of how I would feel, even the fear of just being afraid.

One of the things I've been working on is to not let fear dictate my life, nothing risked, nothing gained. I'm not saying that to fear something is a bad thing, as my sister once told me that a friend told her, "If you're scared, it means you care." I believe that (to an extent). There's levels of fear; there's the fleeting 'I hope they like me', to the slightly deeper, incessant fear of failure, for example, to the maximum, crippling fear that keeps some from ever experiencing life, think agoraphobes. Each person experiences fears differently, if different ways, and we manifest it in various modes. If someone were to ask me what I am afraid of, my response would likely be simple, "small" fears, the ones the majority of society understands and tends to recognize: I'm scared of spiders, small spaces, and the dark. If I were talking to a good friend or having a deep conversation, my fears would follow: I'm scared of failing - the bar, my family, my friends, and expectations (mine and other's), I'm scared of being alone, and I'm scared of not fully living. If I were being honest with myself, I also fear my lack of motivation for the bar exam and to get in shape, I fear the overwhelming feeling of inability that sometimes seems to consume me, I fear who I let myself become with my ex, and I fear the distance from my family and all of the things I miss out on.

Yet none of this has stopped me from doing what I discussed at the beginning: graduating law school, traveling the world, making friends, establishing connections, and becoming myself, embracing myself, and believing in myself.

Fear is an emotion, you can let it consume you or control you, or you can let it fuel your fire, push you to become greater and overcome it. Don't fear fear; embrace fear.